‘I am actually married. But neither of us puts sex on
a pedestal. We see it for what it is: separate from
love’
It was the night I slept with 14 men that I first
started to try to work out how many partners I’ve
been with. The truth is, I’m not sure. My
conservative estimate is about 100 guys a year for
more than three decades. I’m 63 now and I’ve
slowed down a little – but only a little. Why do I do
it? Having sex isn’t something I do for a living, but it
is my passion. It’s the most enjoyable, exhilarating,
satisfying way to spend your time. Some women
like yoga, some like badminton. I like carnality.
I am actually married. Barry and I have been
together since I was 15 – we wed when I was 19,
have two grandchildren, and he’s my world. But
neither of us puts sex on a pedestal. We see it for
what it is: separate from love. It’s not natural to
stick with one sexual partner for 60 years. Life is
about experimenting and experiencing, and that’s
what we do. Barry goes with other women. I don’t
get jealous because I know he loves me. Until the
age of 28, I’d only been with him and we had a
terrific sex life, but one day he brought home a
swingers’ magazine he’d picked up from a
workmate. He sort of joked we should try it; I told
him not to be daft, and he never mentioned it again.
The night I slept with 14 men was at a
swingers’ party. I remember driving there
feeling almost uncontrollably lustful.
But I kept looking at the mag and imagining how fun
it might be. Eventually I told him we should give it a
go. He looked like a kid at Christmas. The first
couple we met – through the listings in that
magazine – were university lecturers in their 40s,
and I still remember driving to their home that
Friday. Barry stopped the car and said, “Are we
sure about this?” We were so nervous, but we were
also insanely excited. I said we’d try it once and
see how it went. And it went… joyously.
As soon as we met them I was flirting with the guy.
John was sophisticated and handsome, and over
dinner there was this intense chemistry.
Afterwards, there were a few minutes when just he
and I were in the living room, and I thought it was
now or never so I kissed him, and that was that. By
the time Barry came in with John’s wife, we were
otherwise engaged. I remember looking at Barry’s
face and seeing a big smile come over it; I knew
everything would be fine, and that life had changed
for ever.
We became committed swingers, spending
weekends meeting up with couples or going to
parties to swap partners. Suddenly everything was
exciting. You’d be at work, and you’d think about
what you were up to that evening and it sent a
shiver down your spine. Some couples – like John
and his wife – would become close friends, even
when the sex stopped. Others you’d see only once.
The night I slept with 14 men was at a swingers’
party in Manchester. I remember driving there
feeling almost uncontrollably lustful. The next day I
felt achy, in that lovely way, like when you’ve been
to the gym.
More on this topic
I fantasise about group sex with old, obese men
In 1997, we decided to open a swingers’ club in
Sheffield . We were fed up with work and wanted to
do something we were passionate about. It’s still
thriving today. We never have sex during opening
hours – it’s our business and we’re professional
about it. But, of course, when the place shuts,
we’ve got an entire club full of facilities – and an
ever-growing circle of open-minded couples – to
play with. It’s not all been perfect, of course. Not
every lover is attentive. I remember in my 40s
going with an 18-year-old, just to see what it would
be like. Quick was the answer.
We’re safety-conscious and I’ve never felt in any
danger. Barry is normally in the same room or not
far away. I’ve recently had a knee operation, which
means I’m walking with a stick, so I’m taking it
easy. I had only three lovers last year. I still have
the same sex drive but I’m more relaxed now. I’m
not someone who’s ever going to dress like a
woman half her age just to get attention. But if guys
still find me attractive – well, why not? People ask
if we have any regrets and we do – we wish we’d
found that mag five or six years earlier.
As told to Colin Drury.
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